Infertility: Beautifully & Wonderfully Made

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard and read the scripture in Psalm 139:13-14

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

For a woman who struggles with insecurities from past hurts to struggling with infertility, I can honestly say that I had a hard time believing that I could be “wonderfully made”. I’m not sure if you can relate but the idea that I was made in a way that my body doesn’t do what most women’s bodies do on its own, made it hard to truly trust in what the Bible is saying. But the more I prayed and thought about it, and the more I thought about who God is, I realized something. If I truly believe that He is perfect and therefore doesn’t make any mistakes, then it is also true that I AM wonderfully made. What a huge “ah-ha” moment.

After I accepted this scripture to be true, I was able to see all the ways God has used my situation for good. But, I’m not going to lie, every time we have tried to conceive, I wrestle with God. I grieve my body, I become sad that I have to take several medications and be monitored around the clock in order to time things perfectly so we can grow our family. I usually find myself pleading with Him to take this burden away and each time His answer has been “no”. Not because He doesn’t care for me, but because this is my cross to bear.

As hard as it is to accept the reality of my situation, I am also grateful for how it has shaped me. My eyes have been opened to a struggle that many women face but sometimes is too painful to talk about. I have found a community of women who is strong and will do whatever it takes to bring their little loves into the world! I have become a Mama who truly understands what a miracle each of my babies are. And I have made friendships that will last a lifetime because of the bond we share through our infertility to motherhood journeys.

How cool that we are all wonderfully made! In all honesty, I still struggle time to time to believe those words to be true, but when I think about where I started and where I am now, it definitely puts things into perspective. My hope is that my journey can be an encouragement to you Mamas still in waiting. Infertility can steal the joy of the journey to motherhood if we let it, but we can reclaim that joy and take it one step at a time. Remind yourself why you are in the battle and keep pushing Mama! And when you are struggling, remember that you are strong, you are beautiful, and you are wonderfully made!!